I decided to write this blog after suffering from one of the most traumatic losses a young woman could possible experience.
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I decided to write this blog after suffering from one of the most traumatic losses a young woman could possibly experience. On August 15, 2012 I unexpectedly lost my husband. I struggled to find literature from women in my position. I’m writing this to reach women in my position and also to the women who I was once one of. Women who have everything in life they ever dreamed of. The perfect family the perfect life. Women who never think anything like this would ever happen to them. The women who enjoy life with their husband and children never thinking it could be spontaneously taken away from them. Don’t take life for granted. I am not a doctor, not a therapist and not a life coach I am just a young woman who’s life was ripped out from underneath her. My name is Kristin Greene and almost one year ago my entire life as I knew it changed.
Growing up I had a pretty decent child hood. My parents divorced when I was young and my father was never really an active part of my life. My husband Keith also came from a divorced family. I only mention this because it molded the way my husband and I were as parents and the life we had envisioned and planned for with our children. Keith and I met in the summer of 2005. There was something between us immediately. He was an executive chef in the same restaurant family that I was a hostess at. I can remember what I was wearing the day I met him and if he was here he would be able to tell you the same. He would aslo tell you that he knew from the moment he saw me that I was going to be his wife. He was an amazingly talented chef and the funniest man I had ever met. Keith lit up a room when he walked in. He had the biggest personality and the biggest heart of anyone I had ever met. He really was such a good soul and lived everyday to the fullest. We could walk into a room and everything and everyone stopped to talk to him. Keith accepted me for all I was. I wasn’t in a great place when I first met Keith having just lost my uncle who probably was the closest thing to a father I had. He knew my bad and my ugly and accepted them. I had never been appreciated and loved the way I was by him. Soon after we met Keith was sellected to be a contestant on Season 2 of Hell’s Kitchen which took him away from me. He quickly packed up and went to Los Angeles to start taping. When he returned we went right back to where we were. I had never been so happy. We enjoyed our life and our time together. We decided to move in together in 2006 and also in that year we got Maggie, an English bulldog puppy. In 2007 we were engaged and married September 20, 2008. Life was good. Every day he told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. Keith loved me more than I thought was humanly possible. He taught me what love was and how to love myself above anything else. I never had this before and it felt pretty amazing. On December 6, 2009 we found out we were pregnant with our first child. We were both over the moon. As I became more pregnant he did everything he could to make me comfortable. Rub my feet, make me laugh or indulge me in my cravings. Every Sunday we would read to each other that weeks chapter in What To Expect When Your Expecting. Our daughter Avery Sea Greene was born on August 6, 2010. Keith fell in love with her the moment he laid eyes on here. From that moment on the two of them had this undescribable bond. I was so happy our daughter had a father who truly worshiped her and loved her, something I never had. We had so much fun together learning how to be parents. Watching this little person grow. On March 30, 2011 we discovered we were pregnant again. This was not something that was planned seeing that our daughter was only 7 months old. We welcomed our son Aiden Sea Greene on November 18, 2011. Keith called him king though and I swear for the first 3-4 months of his life people really thought that was his name. We adored our family. It was tough though with Keith working alot and me being home with two small children but we made it work. Keith tried to make as much time for the kids as possible. He would always text me to see how his family was doing and if it was going to be a late night at work he would ask me to bring them by so he could see them or he would come home just to read them night night books then he would go back to work. Because both of us had grown up in single parent homes with father’s who opted to not really be a part of our life we vowed that our children would never have to go through that. We were going to learn from our parents mistakes and we were going to do it better and our children would always be loved no matter what. We lived our life and loved it. I’m not going to say it was perfect all the time but we did the best that we knew how. There was always love and laughter in our home. On Wednesday August 15, 2012 my husband left for work and never came home. That morning he cooked Avery eggs with banana and blueberries. I fed Aiden his cereal and fruit. Keith kissed us all goodbye and told me he would see me at work. When I arrived to work it was 8:23 in the morning. I noticed that Keith’s truck wasn’t there. He had left before me so I thought it weird for a moment and then I remember thinking he must have finished what he had to do and went to the other store. I went about my day. People started coming into the office asking me where Keith was. I kept saying he’s at the other store. Around 930 I started to worry. I left work and started driving around looking at places I thought he might be. I drove to the emergency room. Keith had been complaining of headaches saying he couldn’t focus anymore. Just two days prior he had asked me to find him a neurologist because something just wasn’t right. I gave him the info. After the emergency room I drove to his primary care doctor’s office thinking he might have gone there to get the refferal. After that I drove to the neurologists office thinking he maybe got the referral and they were able to see him right away. Nothing. I was looking for his truck everywhere. During my time looking I kept getting calls from where we worked and every time the number popped up on my phone I thought it was him. I was hoping it would be him on the other line telling me to stop freaking out that he’s fine. But it wasn’t. I finally drove to the police station to file a missing persons report. While I was there they asked me how long he was gone. I said 3 hours and they looked at me like I was crazy. I explained to them it wasn’t like him to just not show up for work. So I filed the report… they told me to go home and a detective would come to the house to take my statement. I went home…my kids were there with a sitter and my mother had driven up. A few minutes after arriving home a detective pulled up to our home. I knew right then that something was up. I had filed the report with our town and our village’s detective came. He came into our kitchen. He started off by telling me that they had found my husband’s truck. My mother said that for a small moment I had a glimmer of hope in my eyes. Then he gave me my husband’s drivers license and a necklace (my husband wore his wedding ring around his neck so he didn’t get it ruined at work) and asked me if these were my husband’s. He then proceeded to tell me that they had found his body. My legs gave out and I fell to the floor. My life was never the same. On Wedneday August 15, 2012 my husband went for a quick swim with his boogy board and flippers before work and drowned. I had to go to the hospital to identify my husband’s body. As I write this i’m flooded with the feelings I had that day. Why me? Why us? He can’t possibly be gone we have babies what am I supposed to do? The days after Keith passed were a blur. There was family in and out of our home. OUR home. But now a big piece of my our was gone. That was my life and this is my story. Every day is a struggle. Every day I think about what we would be doing if he was here. I can remember down to the date what we did. I have kept a journal so I never forget. To be honest I do not know how I have made it this far through this. But I did. I am here raising our kids trying as hard as humanly possible to fill their life with love and laughter when sometimes all I want to do is fucking break down. I know I have a long road ahead of me and it’s going to be hard but I have to do this for him. Keith gave me so much in life. He taught me what love really is. It sucks that I had this amazing man this once in a lifetime true love and it’s gone now. But you know what…I got to expereince it even if it was for such an unbelievably small amount of time. I had what some people never have. At the end of the day I still have him. I have my husband, Keith Sea Greene in both of our children.

11 Comments

  1. Ryan Kociszewski
    August 5, 2013 at 11:16 pm · Reply

    That was beautifully written. Although it made me cry it was great to read and remember. I really miss him too. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Camille Gallow
    August 6, 2013 at 12:12 am · Reply

    Dear Kristin
    This is so wonderfully written. I felt Keith so alive and felt your love of him and his love for you. As you said you got to experience a love that some people never experience and for that you are so blessed. No one can take that from you. As your children grow, you will see more and more of Keith in them and will feel his arms wrapped around you saying “Great job, babe”

  3. Aunt Mimi
    August 6, 2013 at 2:45 am · Reply

    Kristin, I Can feel your joy and pain as I read about a small piece of the beautiful journey that you and Keith shared. Together with you, so many of our hearts ache and then we remember a light, funny moment. Thanks for all you do each day to keep Keith alive in the lives of your children. So glad he chose you, Kristin, to be his bride and mother of his children. We are Blessed………Badinka

  4. Rachel Szobodi
    August 6, 2013 at 3:45 am · Reply

    Kristen,
    That was so beautifully written. You are an amazing wife & mother!!

  5. Patricia Berkoski
    August 6, 2013 at 11:03 pm · Reply

    Dearest Kristen,

    Thank you for finding the strength and love to share the story of your life with Keith. We Aunts knew that when Keith met you, he fell instantly in love with you. The children are a beautiful mix of the 2 of you and we feel so close to Keith through you and your children. I am sure that Keith is circling around you and the children, Margie, and Kevin all of the time; we just can’t see him! But we still feel his Love!!! Thank you Kristen for loving Keith so deeply, for being as strong as you can and are, and for you and Keith’s two beautiful children!! We love you all!!! xoxoxo

  6. Susan Kirby
    August 7, 2013 at 6:23 am · Reply

    Kristen, it’s truly amazing you created this website! Sharing your thoughts, advice and story offers a place for younger widows or anyone who has lost someone.
    I particularly found “The Firsts” to be really helpful because I could relate to similar feelings the entire first year after my husband passed. Those feelings still come up from time to time. I learned the trick was to just keep moving along. There is no other choice.
    Your posts are informative and inspiring to people. Keith would truly be proud of his woman! I know this month is extra tough and if you need someone I’m always here in North Sea lol Keep up the good work on writing and documenting. I will be following!

  7. Michele Donelan
    August 7, 2013 at 3:03 pm · Reply

    You are brave to write this Kristin, and I feel grateful that you are willing to share your piece of Keith with the rest of us. He always lit up, talking about wifey and the kids, and immediately pulled out his phone to show some adorable picture of one of the kids. I loved his stories about the family, what was happening in the Greene household, always making me, or whatever audience, laugh. I still keep you, your family, and Keith in my thoughts and prayers. xo.

  8. Patricia Berkoski
    August 14, 2013 at 12:19 am · Reply

    Whenever there is something I can do to help….just ask me. xoxoxo

  9. Maria Guzman-Boyd
    August 14, 2013 at 2:19 pm · Reply

    God bless you and your babies. I wish you all the wonderful things in life and that the Virgin Mary and Guardian Angels be with you. ♡

  10. Liz Clarke
    August 22, 2013 at 9:00 am · Reply

    Dear Kristen….Normally I am flooded with words to share, writing comes easy to me when I am inspired. For the first time I am lost for anything to add to your blog, your own words express your life with Keith and the love you both appreciated. You have shared the special parts of your life with Keith that were so beautiful and heart felt. Even the little moments were precious snippets into the heart of your marriage. As if Keith knew the clock was ticking, he packed in more in a few short years than most do in a life time. Keith changed his life dramatically as if he were preparing for your coming. Once you came into his life, all the pieces started to fall into place and it was full speed ahead. Keith’s knowing he had found his soul mate, , his meteoric rise in the food industry, getting married, starting a family. He packed a life time of happiness into seven short years. It seems now as if it all happened in the blink of an eye, but in reality, he worked hard every day to make it all happen and to leave behind enough love for you, the children and family to live on in his absence. It will never be as good as having him come home every night, but hold onto the truth, he will never leave you or the children. He made a promises when he married you, he made commitments to be a good father to his children. Keith’s word was his bond. I have no doubt he will honor his promises and his hearts desire to raise the children with you. Keith’s life was all about loving his family and friends and figuring out a way to make things work, and all of this was done with a sense of humor. I have no doubt he will find a way to be there for you and the children and will see to it that you will one day find your smile again and the children will grow up with a sense of their father’s wish for their happiness. You will remember the moment I came over to say good bye to you and Avery lifted up her lips to give me a kiss. I was totally blown away for it was as if I was looking at Keith for a moment, her perfect little lips curled up exactly as his did. An ache went through my heart, it made me remember how much I missed him. But as I reflected upon it later on (as I could not stop thinking about that moment) I had to smile. Look how many things Keith left behind as gifts to all of us. You and the children are living memorials to Keith and his special brand of love. All the love he gave to you and the children still shines through, even in the smallest gesture of a kiss from Avery. No doubt the years ahead stretch out before you as an endless amount of time, but looking on the bright side…..look how many years of little surprises that will come through the children that will be directly from Keith. I am impressed you are reaching out to other women who have experienced the tremendous loss you have. It seems to be a chosen group of women, a group no one would want willingly join. But here you are speaking out, sharing your story of happiness and grief which perhaps may help another to hold on and make it through another day and year, just as you have. I send you love and blessings Kristen for your continued strength on your journey. While you may not always hear the footsteps beside you, know between the family and Keith….you will never walk alone.

  11. Sarah Lazar
    September 2, 2013 at 8:43 pm · Reply

    Kristin-
    Your passages are moving and beautiful. I’m thinking of you.

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