I decided to write this blog after suffering from one of the most traumatic losses a young woman could possibly experience. On August 15, 2012 I unexpectedly lost my husband. I struggled to find literature from women in my position. I’m writing this to reach women in my position and also to the women who I was once one of. Women who have everything in life they ever dreamed of. The perfect family the perfect life. Women who never think anything like this would ever happen to them. The women who enjoy life with their husband and children never thinking it could be spontaneously taken away from them. Don’t take life for granted. I am not a doctor, not a therapist and not a life coach I am just a young woman who’s life was ripped out from underneath her. My name is Kristin Greene and almost one year ago my entire life as I knew it changed.
Growing up I had a pretty decent child hood. My parents divorced when I was young and my father was never really an active part of my life. My husband Keith also came from a divorced family. I only mention this because it molded the way my husband and I were as parents and the life we had envisioned and planned for with our children. Keith and I met in the summer of 2005. There was something between us immediately. He was an executive chef in the same restaurant family that I was a hostess at. I can remember what I was wearing the day I met him and if he was here he would be able to tell you the same. He would aslo tell you that he knew from the moment he saw me that I was going to be his wife. He was an amazingly talented chef and the funniest man I had ever met. Keith lit up a room when he walked in. He had the biggest personality and the biggest heart of anyone I had ever met. He really was such a good soul and lived everyday to the fullest. We could walk into a room and everything and everyone stopped to talk to him. Keith accepted me for all I was. I wasn’t in a great place when I first met Keith having just lost my uncle who probably was the closest thing to a father I had. He knew my bad and my ugly and accepted them. I had never been appreciated and loved the way I was by him. Soon after we met Keith was sellected to be a contestant on Season 2 of Hell’s Kitchen which took him away from me. He quickly packed up and went to Los Angeles to start taping. When he returned we went right back to where we were. I had never been so happy. We enjoyed our life and our time together. We decided to move in together in 2006 and also in that year we got Maggie, an English bulldog puppy. In 2007 we were engaged and married September 20, 2008. Life was good. Every day he told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. Keith loved me more than I thought was humanly possible. He taught me what love was and how to love myself above anything else. I never had this before and it felt pretty amazing. On December 6, 2009 we found out we were pregnant with our first child. We were both over the moon. As I became more pregnant he did everything he could to make me comfortable. Rub my feet, make me laugh or indulge me in my cravings. Every Sunday we would read to each other that weeks chapter in What To Expect When Your Expecting. Our daughter Avery Sea Greene was born on August 6, 2010. Keith fell in love with her the moment he laid eyes on here. From that moment on the two of them had this undescribable bond. I was so happy our daughter had a father who truly worshiped her and loved her, something I never had. We had so much fun together learning how to be parents. Watching this little person grow. On March 30, 2011 we discovered we were pregnant again. This was not something that was planned seeing that our daughter was only 7 months old. We welcomed our son Aiden Sea Greene on November 18, 2011. Keith called him king though and I swear for the first 3-4 months of his life people really thought that was his name. We adored our family. It was tough though with Keith working alot and me being home with two small children but we made it work. Keith tried to make as much time for the kids as possible. He would always text me to see how his family was doing and if it was going to be a late night at work he would ask me to bring them by so he could see them or he would come home just to read them night night books then he would go back to work. Because both of us had grown up in single parent homes with father’s who opted to not really be a part of our life we vowed that our children would never have to go through that. We were going to learn from our parents mistakes and we were going to do it better and our children would always be loved no matter what. We lived our life and loved it. I’m not going to say it was perfect all the time but we did the best that we knew how. There was always love and laughter in our home. On Wednesday August 15, 2012 my husband left for work and never came home. That morning he cooked Avery eggs with banana and blueberries. I fed Aiden his cereal and fruit. Keith kissed us all goodbye and told me he would see me at work. When I arrived to work it was 8:23 in the morning. I noticed that Keith’s truck wasn’t there. He had left before me so I thought it weird for a moment and then I remember thinking he must have finished what he had to do and went to the other store. I went about my day. People started coming into the office asking me where Keith was. I kept saying he’s at the other store. Around 930 I started to worry. I left work and started driving around looking at places I thought he might be. I drove to the emergency room. Keith had been complaining of headaches saying he couldn’t focus anymore. Just two days prior he had asked me to find him a neurologist because something just wasn’t right. I gave him the info. After the emergency room I drove to his primary care doctor’s office thinking he might have gone there to get the refferal. After that I drove to the neurologists office thinking he maybe got the referral and they were able to see him right away. Nothing. I was looking for his truck everywhere. During my time looking I kept getting calls from where we worked and every time the number popped up on my phone I thought it was him. I was hoping it would be him on the other line telling me to stop freaking out that he’s fine. But it wasn’t. I finally drove to the police station to file a missing persons report. While I was there they asked me how long he was gone. I said 3 hours and they looked at me like I was crazy. I explained to them it wasn’t like him to just not show up for work. So I filed the report… they told me to go home and a detective would come to the house to take my statement. I went home…my kids were there with a sitter and my mother had driven up. A few minutes after arriving home a detective pulled up to our home. I knew right then that something was up. I had filed the report with our town and our village’s detective came. He came into our kitchen. He started off by telling me that they had found my husband’s truck. My mother said that for a small moment I had a glimmer of hope in my eyes. Then he gave me my husband’s drivers license and a necklace (my husband wore his wedding ring around his neck so he didn’t get it ruined at work) and asked me if these were my husband’s. He then proceeded to tell me that they had found his body. My legs gave out and I fell to the floor. My life was never the same. On Wedneday August 15, 2012 my husband went for a quick swim with his boogy board and flippers before work and drowned. I had to go to the hospital to identify my husband’s body. As I write this i’m flooded with the feelings I had that day. Why me? Why us? He can’t possibly be gone we have babies what am I supposed to do? The days after Keith passed were a blur. There was family in and out of our home. OUR home. But now a big piece of my our was gone. That was my life and this is my story. Every day is a struggle. Every day I think about what we would be doing if he was here. I can remember down to the date what we did. I have kept a journal so I never forget. To be honest I do not know how I have made it this far through this. But I did. I am here raising our kids trying as hard as humanly possible to fill their life with love and laughter when sometimes all I want to do is fucking break down. I know I have a long road ahead of me and it’s going to be hard but I have to do this for him. Keith gave me so much in life. He taught me what love really is. It sucks that I had this amazing man this once in a lifetime true love and it’s gone now. But you know what…I got to expereince it even if it was for such an unbelievably small amount of time. I had what some people never have. At the end of the day I still have him. I have my husband, Keith Sea Greene in both of our children.